Title: (Retitled) I'm not Crazy
Author: Elyssa
Fandom: Wakefield/GC/FFTL/MEST/Goldfinger
Pairing: one sided Ryan/Aaron, Benji/Sonny, Tony/Ryan, implied Benji/John
Rating: PG
Summary: You must think I’m crazy, don’t you? Well, you should think again, because crazy people know nothing.
Dedication: Wakefield fans. Hardcore.
Disclaimer: Don't own. Not real. Never happened.



My story might be a long one, but I would still like you to listen to it. I had a perfect life: perfect career, perfect family, perfect looks, perfect everything! I especially had a perfect brother, who had a perfect boyfriend. Benji Madden, the name still makes me cringe. Aaron deserved better then that. Aaron, my perfect brother, who I loved more then anyone on this Earth. Aaron, who inspired more songs then anyone. Well, I better just start at the beginning.

Aaron and I had known Benji for, well, for longer then I can actually remember. I used to like him, I don’t understand why, though. Once Aaron and Benji hit puberty, Aaron started acting weird around Benji and I seemed to be the only one to notice. He wanted to spend more time with Benji than with me, his little brother. I was so angry with Aaron, that I made voodoo dolls of him and Benji. I never used Aaron’s, but I practically burnt Benji’s. I knew he couldn’t feel it, though I liked to think he could.

When I was older, much older, I formed a band with my friend, JD. Aaron quit BENJI’S band to be in mine! His beloved BENJI! I was so obsessed that I even made two shrines in my room. One dedicated to my hate of Benji, one dedicated to my love of my brother. Aaron had no idea about my feelings for him. He simply thought of my love for him as ‘brotherly love’. My love was too strong to be brotherly! Whenever I stole or broke something that reminded him of BENJI, he didn’t know it was me. He’d come home to see his pictures of BENJI in pieces and thrown all over the floor .

Every night I would write something about my hate for BENJI and love for Aaron. I never showed anybody my journal. I made music for my poems but I never called them songs. My feelings were not songs. My feelings for Aaron and BENJI could never be described as something other than poems. Nobody thought that looking under the floorboard next to my bed would be a good idea, I guess, and that’s why nobody knew about it.

You must think I’m crazy, don’t you? Well, you should think again, because crazy people know nothing.

Our band was hitting it bigger than I thought, but still not as big as BENJI’S band (named after some kiddy book he found in an elementary school library under the books for the special ED students). When BENJI was out on tour with Goldfinger one year, he totally betrayed MY Aaron; he fell for someone else and he fell hard. John Feldmann, aka sick, MARRIED, Benji’s-close-friend-for-many-years-who-is-way-older-than-him BASTARD! I didn’t care that he broke BENJI’S heart! I was glad! But, the person that got hurt the most, was probably Aaron.

A year later, Aaron took Benji back. Benji and Aaron were, or at least pretended to be, happy for another year until in Summer 2004 on the Warped Tour. Benji left Aaron again but this time for a boy he probably just met. Sonny Moore is what they called him, and he’s too damned cute for his own good. They were still together by Christmas and Benji still wanted to be Aaron’s ‘friend’. Aaron, just because he was that stupid, agreed to still be his friend. So, for Christmas, I was going to give Benji a special present.


“Hey, Benj,” I managed to say, a fake smile plastered to my face. Benji thought, for some reason, that we were cool with each other.

“Hey, Ryan!” Benji greeted me, pulling me into a hug. I tried to keep a smile but cringed inside and hugged him back. After a few seconds of torture, Benji finally let go of me. He led me into his living room where Sonny was talking to Benji and my friend, Tony. Sonny was wearing a baseball cap over his light brown hair, an overly large gray sweatshirt, and a pair of semi-large black pants. Tony and Sonny looked up at me, Tony getting up and giving me a ‘manly’ handshake, Sonny just offering a small smile. Sonny was never the one to be shy or anything. I think maybe he knew something the others didn’t. I swear that boy could feel my hate for Benji, could smell it, taste it, hear it. I was always terrified of him since I met him. He looked so innocent and harmless, who would know that behind all of it he could read me like an issue of ‘People’ magazine, no, make that ‘Teen People’.

Benji pulled me onto the couch, right next to where Sonny and Tony were talking. Sonny slowly moved away from me, probably thinking no one noticed him. He knew it was coming. We heard the doorbell ring, and Benji went to answer it. Sonny looked up at me while Benji was gone and I gave him the most intimidating death stare I possibly could. A few seconds later, Benji came back, and with him was Aaron. He looked so beautiful, though probably trying to look exactly to opposite. But Aaron always looked beautiful.

I had to sit through a whole three hours before people started leaving. I faked drunkenness, and said that I couldn’t drive home. Benji agreed to let Aaron, who actually was drunk, and I stay the night.

I turned off all the lights in the hallway, so it was pitch black. I slowly, very slowly, opened the door to Benji’s room. Benji was laying on his bed with his eyes shut, trying to sleep. Sonny was nowhere to be found, I looked closer into the nearly pitch black room and spotted the bathroom door. The only light was coming from under the bathroom door, which I suspected Sonny was behind. I pulled a silencer from my left pocket and moved as close to Benji as I could. I put my gun to his head and pulled the trigger three times. Quickly, I turned around and proceeded to the door in which I had come from. I heard Sonny opening the bathroom door, so I sped out and down the hall to the room I was currently sharing with Aaron. I stood outside the door for awhile, thinking about what I had done. Most men, at this point would feel horrible, and tell someone, but I'm not most men. I felt wonderful, powerful! I knew I had done the right thing for Aaron. Aaron wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.

The hallway light flicked on, then I heard someone’s voice, “Ryan?” they called out. I couldn’t put my finger on that person, until they came into my sight. Sonny, typical. His eyes were puffy and tear-filled.

“Yes, Sonny?” I replied as soon as I realized who it was.

“Do you know where Tony went off to?”

Home? “I don’t know,” I replied in an irritated voice. Was Tony here? “Why?”

“Umm...it’s Benji,” Sonny replied.

“What about Benji? What happened to Benji?” I asked, adding concern to my voice so I wouldn’t sound guilty.

Sonny bit his lip and replied, “He was killed.” Tears began to fill his eyes again.

“He was?” I asked with very convincing fake surprised voice, “Was he stabbed? I didn’t hear a gun shot or anything.”

“He was shot,” Sonny replied, “probably with a silencer.” Duh with a silencer, dipshit! I thought he was supposed to be smart.

“Well, call the police.” I said after a while. He nodded, than ran down the stairs.

After a few minutes of sitting in front of the door, I stood up and opened it. I looked inside and found no one there.

“Aaron?” I was starting to get a bit creeped out. I walked into the room and shut the door behind me.

“Aaron’s not here, anymore,” a hoarse voice said back, “and he’ll never be here again.”

The person stood up from the side of the bed facing the window. Their short hair was flat, and probably at one point was spiked. The only light coming into the room was from the moon, so I couldn’t pick out any features. I reached for the light switch, but when I flicked it on it remained dark.

“Don’t you know who I am?” the hoarse voice asked.

“No,” I replied honestly.

He turned around and walked toward me, jumping over the bed. “I,” he started answering, “am the only person who knows your secret.” He stood in front of me and looked into my eyes. I heard him take something out of his pocket. He flicked a flashlight on and handed it to me. With the flashlight I scanned his legs, then chest, then arms, then, finally, his face. He was covered from head to toe with what could only be blood. Then, I looked into his eyes, his crystal blue eyes, and knew it could only be one person. Tony. How did Tony know my secret? I hadn’t told anyone. Wait a minute...

“What secret?” I asked Tony.

“This one,” he replies, grabbing something from his pocket and put it in my hand. I looked at the blood-covered notebook that he had handed me, then opened it and read the heading on the top of the page. It was a poem entitled ‘Brotherly Love’. This was my book!

“Where did you find this?” I asked him, “WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS?” I repeated, shaking him. He pointed to a corner that I knew had my stuff. “So you were looking through my stuff, you little rat?”

He nodded. I paused for a second, then ran a hand through his blood covered hair. “Whose blood is this?”

“Why don’t you find out yourself?” He motioned towards the bed that I had been ‘forced’ to share with Aaron, Benji only had one guest room in his house, the cheap motherfucker. I walked over to the bed and looked over the side only to see my beautiful Aaron. His chest had been ripped open, ribs bent, and blood everywhere. I turned back to face Tony again, tears running through the blood on his face. He was holding something disgusting.

“I wanted to know why you wanted his heart and not mine,” Tony stated. “So I got it for you.” He walked over to me and put the disgusting object in my hand. Only then did I realize that I was holding my brother’s heart.

“Tony,” I started, tears rolling down my cheeks, “why the fuck did you do that?”

“Because, Ryan,” he sighed. “Because I love you.”

“So you killed my brother?” More tears ran down Tony’s face.

“I’m sorry, Ryan,” Tony sobbed. He slowly sat down on the bed, finally letting what he did sink in.

“Tony,” I started, then paused. “We need to get out of here as fast as we can. Sonny called the police and they should be here any minute.”

“Why would he call the police,” Tony asked, whipping away tears.

“Because I killed Benji,” I whispered a reply.

Tony and I headed toward the door and out into the hallway. We ran down the stairs, out the front, and to my car. It was almost pitch black but there was enough moonlight to find my car.

“Where are you going?” I heard Sonny saying from the front door. He must have followed us. I grabbed my silencer from my pocket, and walked closer to him. I put the silencer to his head.

“There’s one thing I want to tell you before I do this,” I said. “I. Killed. Benji.” I shot Sonny four times in the head before proceeding back to my car.

“Where we goin’?” Tony asked.

“Anywhere you want, baby,” I replied, leaning through the window and giving him a small peck on the lips. “The world is ours, now.”

-


Yes, I realize the plot is stupid, I wrote this a long time ago.